Written by Ashton Deroy

I was concussed in 2019 while working retail at Giant Tiger. During the Covid19 Pandemic. This resulted in homelessness, permanent body dysfigurement and PTSD. I ducked a cart feed and now have permanent, lingering brain damage.

1. Feeling shaky. I live in fear of smashing a tablet, my phone, or the glass I sell at work.
2. Social and emotional Withdrawal. That can also be rationalized into long lingering resentment. I’m not sure I was actually close with any of my family… Cause like you are unaware, I don’t want to sit still all day. Who are you, and who am I? On some level, I view the majority of relationships I had prior to my concussion. As lies and fake closeness. I suspect to the current detriment. Dad may have played peacekeeper throughout the years. If he hadn’t? I would of began rapdily throwing away relationships. Cause I was rapidly throwing out relationships. I suspect I kept people around I didn’t like for the sake of family. However, I secretly had a desperate want and need to shrink my social surroundings.
3. I suspect my concussion edited my memories
4. Lingering Resentment. I still hate my ex-boss Jennifer Boutilier, and am not sure what to do about it. I hate her, though. I know I have to reconcile that at some point. Now I am not sure I would recognize her face. However, after the fact, I did place her…. Pretty much the only place I wouldn’t throw a drink in her face… Was if I was at work.
5. Complete discomfort with physical closeness. (Tough to admit because I remember loving my ex.) I also think on some level. I sabotage relationships. To avoid having physically close relationships with people.

Born Crazy statement. I was born crazy and I am not kidding. I was in Special Ed. I don’t feel Especially close with family. I can mask some of the time. Work me 7 days a week. 1 of those days I will show up not quite right. I don’t trust myself to drive. I am not sure what to filter. I also somewhat am apathetic to the norms.

Through schooling I can mask. It’s just not perfect. Dig a bit. You will hit crazy. I even dig in my own head and find I am nuts.