Written by Ashton Deroy
I am one of the few people I know. That encourages people to get back together with their exes. Especially in the case of very flawed individuals. Other reasons I do it? Cause there is something mentally ill. About failing a relationship and then immediately going to something like Tinder to try and repair the gap. Even if you were cheated on? You failed some aspect of your relationship. Take a year off hoeing or consider getting back with your ex.
Relationships take work. Working a job. Working to understand the needs of your partner. Working to cohabitate. Spending time with the same person eventually everyday. Getting comfortable and settling into a routine. Even taking care of someone well sick is work. I have been taken care of by an ex well sick. I also tried to help an ex get back on their feet. Going out and looking for the fantasy of love? That isn’t work. It is seeking a state of delusional excitement.
My background: My Mom was a serial dater when I was a kid. Not just serial dating either. She would move in prematurely with men who seemingly didn’t want her around. Then when it didn’t work out? She would immediately look for someone new. Me and my brother tried to say. ‘Come on Mom. Cut it out! We don’t want to date with you anymore.” She was adamant and therefore forced her kids to date with her. It was really awkward to. Cause she was practically playing a game of ‘Kids this is your new Daddy.” Yes I have mother issues 100%.
The correct thing to do after a failed relationship? Especially one with elements of cohabitation. Is to take 1 year off. Fix the mess you made well in this relationship. There is always a trail of errors at the end of even a 1 year relationship. Family that was mistreated, duties you didn’t handle properly and in Mom’s case massive debt from being a stay-at-home Nutjob. Take time to clean the rubble of the mess you made.
Even if you were cheated on? Your ex wasn’t the monster you pretend they were.
In the context of this video? No need to kill your ex because they cheated on you. Especially if they were a woman. Let’s not feed into domestic violence. Women might cheat because of a dual mating strategy, poor impulse control and to humanize cheating… I once cheated just because a guy had good game in flirtation. It wasn’t that I wanted him more than my current partner. It was just he was seductively tempting.
Why you should get back an ex even if they cheated? Instead of claiming ‘I don’t deserve this. I deserve royal treatment!” Why don’t you take a look at yourself, the box you ask your partner to fill and say ‘Am I reasonable mate?” Not everyone is. A problem I face well dating? Is people wanting me to play a role. Rather than accepting me for me. That is an easy thing to want to run away from. More often than not I cheat because someone doesn’t see me for me.
I am not advocating anyone go out and get abused. I am saying in the age of internet dating. We have too many options and not enough discipline. Is this really better than committing to someone for decades? We don’t work on ourselves. We just go back to the pond and fish for a damaged person we pretend is perfect. Until inevitably perfection fails us. If you get back with an ex? You are working on yourself. If you fish for someone new every time? You are playing out a fantasy. So before you look for someone new? Consider 1.) Getting back with an ex. 2.) Taking 1 year minimum off dating in between relationships. You don’t need something new as much as you pretend you do.
Going on a Terry Fox Run September 15th 2024.
For The Love of Belleville. 
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